This morning I woke up feeling angsty. The specifics aren't really relevant, but basically I was comparing myself negatively to other people and making myself feel inferior. I hate when I get like that because it can easily turn into a spiral of "everything about me sucks and is wrong and everybody hates me!"
But this time I didn't let it spiral, because I have to work today and I'm moving this weekend and I need to stay calm and not waste my emotional energy on stupid things. I decided to do a meditation instead. And I'm not very good at meditating, but I did actually manage to unstick myself a bit. I still feel sort of crappy, but what I did become aware of is how rarely I feel that way these days. I mean, I still get down pretty often, but a few years ago I basically lived my entire life comparing myself to other people and feeling bad about it. Everything I did was an effort to be "better" than I am, which meant I could never spend time developing who I actually was. I'm not sure how I got most of the way past that, but it seems like I have, since feeling that way is now an unusual thing instead of my default state.
No comments:
Post a Comment